I woke up this morning and the first thing I reached for was the comfort of wanting to off myself. 

I don't see a way forward that is any better.

That was past tense. I don't know how else I was supposed to move forward from there.

I'm tired and hurt. It does not feel worth it anymore.

Hurting

Again just like

A little sympathy

Five fucking seconds of sympathy. Christ.

ugh great anxiety

I keep saying it but I guess it's because i'm feeling it so much. Stupid lonely and it hurts. Nowhere feels safe and no one to go to and i'm

It's my fault

I can't feel anything

Angry is the only thing that breaks through the grey sludge and i don't want to be angry

Or scared

I'm

I've been on this site since i was a teenager and nothing's changed much. 

I don't 

Christ. I'm so tired

I wish i had someone who i knew i could sit with and talk about my life without having it dissected

But i haven't had that kind of safe space in a long while

There is no space for me in my own life

I can feel my life winding down, like it peaked at the lowest absolute time and i

That's it, i guess

If i have nothing to look forward to

Why am I still here?

Haha, that hurt.

More lonely than I thought. But eh, I'll deal. I always do.

Low grade sort of static in my brain last couple of weeks.

Moments where I just sort of stop in my tracks and want to sit down and cry for no reason but like

Just gotta keep going, I guess. Don't really have anyone to help me up from here.

Keep going, until I don't.